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Oct. 15th, 2009 08:18 pm![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hector_rashbaumThe weird thing about my depression/anxiety is a lot of times it gets bad in the background; I don't feel myself backsliding until all of a sudden there I am. I realized today, after I had to hype myself up to take a shower, after I wandered around Hot Topic for 20 minutes building up the courage to ask if they had such-and-such a shirt in my size, after a quick audit of the past few days showed I hadn't left my room more than necessary and I'd spent most of that time sleeping, that I'm getting bad again.
I don't know if I was actually better when I was working, or if it was a false positive, if needing to get out in the world every day just let me say to myself "hey, not spending my whole life in my room, doing good". Either way, I can't be trusted to take care of myself without a routine that demands I do; I've known this for a while.
Not that I want to feel horrid all the time, but I wish it took my conscious mind kicking into depression-mode before my subconscious set my body going about the depression-mode routine. Cart before the horse, subconscious, not cool.
In less depressing news, I got Disney Pop Hits Singstar and I'm pretty sure my life is complete. Except. At some point my dog chewed through my only controller, so I had to use the HSM3 Dance! dance pad - laid it out on my bed and smacked the X and O and START areas. Which was okay, except I couldn't go back if I hit the wrong song - no triangle - and I couldn't edit my name, no square. WHATEV, I got to sing, and THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART.
I don't know if I was actually better when I was working, or if it was a false positive, if needing to get out in the world every day just let me say to myself "hey, not spending my whole life in my room, doing good". Either way, I can't be trusted to take care of myself without a routine that demands I do; I've known this for a while.
Not that I want to feel horrid all the time, but I wish it took my conscious mind kicking into depression-mode before my subconscious set my body going about the depression-mode routine. Cart before the horse, subconscious, not cool.
In less depressing news, I got Disney Pop Hits Singstar and I'm pretty sure my life is complete. Except. At some point my dog chewed through my only controller, so I had to use the HSM3 Dance! dance pad - laid it out on my bed and smacked the X and O and START areas. Which was okay, except I couldn't go back if I hit the wrong song - no triangle - and I couldn't edit my name, no square. WHATEV, I got to sing, and THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART.
