hector_rashbaum: nicole anderson, b&w, big hair (Default)
[personal profile] hector_rashbaum
(trigger warnings: I talk a lot about anxiety-inducing things, and repeat a rape joke Brendon made during the show)

soooo, Panic.

Okay so first of all you really need to understand what an ordeal getting this was. Not a full week after I bought the ticket, my trusty car died. Then I didn't get paid. Then the tickets never came in the mail. Then the ArtistArena guy who sent the "your tickets have shipped, contact us at this e-mail address if there are problems" e-mail gave me the wrong contact info, then the day before the show I had no tickets and no way of getting in touch with anyone to get me the tickets. Then I dropped my phone in a cup of coffee, leaving me with no way of communicating with [personal profile] verbosewordsmith after I left my house.

To understand just how bad all of this is, you need to understand that my anxiety disorder is such that even with everything going right I have been known to have attacks over manufactured problems.

But I persevered! Armed with my mom's car, my birthday check + money borrowed from my dad who can't afford it, a tweet from Zack Hall promising I wouldn't drive four hours just to be turned away at the door, my Nook, and the knowledge that all Vermont rest stops have WiFi so I would at least be able to communicate for the two and a half hours before I crossed into New Hampshire, I set off, only ten minutes later than my Official Departure E-mail to [personal profile] verbosewordsmith said I would be leaving.

And then I got on the interstate and realized I'd left all the proof I'd bought tickets, plus my directions, on the bed. So after turning around, retrieving paperwork, and my mom forcing me to sit down and count to ten so I wouldn't forget anything else, I was another ten minutes behind. Whatever, I could totally make that up by speeding, right?

I probably could have! Except I stopped for breakfast, and the line turned a five-minute stop into a twenty-five minute stop. And another line turned my ten-minute gas stop into a twenty-minute gas stop. All told I ended up over an hour behind schedule before I'd even really gotten started. At the very least I managed to maintain that level of behind-ness; I couldn't catch up to the original schedule, but I didn't have any more delays.

No big deal, right? I had my trusty little wireless-capable baby in the passenger seat, ready for me to e-mail my mom and [personal profile] verbosewordsmith with "whoops, hour behind".

It turns out the gatekeeper page for the state wireless won't load on a Nook. I had considered bringing my laptop along just in case, but didn't want to leave it alone in my car for that long (I ended up parked for almost 12 hours, in a biiiig lot with no security). I kind of regretted that a whole lot. So! A full hour behind, with no idea if traffic in NH and MA was going to make it worse, and no way to get in touch with anyone.

So I rode the whole last half of the journey having an anxiety attack about my mom worrying and [personal profile] verbosewordsmith not knowing what happened to me and anxiety-ing while driving is not the most fun oh God. But I made it to Riverside in one piece! And parked nice and cheaply and about 50 minutes behind schedule. And then the T ride was eternal. And halfway through the eternal T ride...I realized I left all the paperwork (ticket confirmation, meet & greet instructions, and proof I had tried to contact ArtistArena at the address they gave me) in my car. In my car a half-hour T ride away from where I was meeting [personal profile] verbosewordsmith.

I thought about getting out and riding back myself, but that would have put me even more behind, and left her sitting and waiting for even longer with no idea where I was or if I was coming or wtf happened. So I rode the rest of the way and couldn't even enjoy the initial OMG of meeting Awesome Internet People because I was having yet another serious anxiety attack and also I had to pee really bad.

Soooo instead of wandering around and finding something nice for lunch and fangirling and having awesome hangs and taking a leisurely stroll to the venue we took a frantic T ride and then got lost so we had no time to eat. BASICALLY, I am referring to the way I handled the whole adventure as "pulling a Tom Conrad", because how much can one person fail, omg.

You probably do not care at all about my anxiety attacks, though! You want to hear about my meet & greet and the concert, yes? LOL tough shit, there are anxiety attacks in those stories, too.

When I desperately tweeted Zack to tell him of my sad ticketless plight, he said to find him at the venue and we would figure it out. So we did that, because sometimes I can follow directions! And all he said was to go to the box office because if the tickets weren't supposed to be mailed the box office would have them. The box office didn't open until half an hour after meet & greet, but he told me to go there anyway and then "hurry back here". And my impending anxiety attack must have been clearly written on my face because he was all "don't make that face >:| we'll work it out".

So I waited for the box office to open! And the dude there said he couldn't help me! AWESOME SO MUCH AWESOME. So I had to go in where meet & greet was starting (Zack gave the don't be creepy speech! I missed almost all of it!)and talk to two staff people before someone got me Zack and he made me explain again and got all gruff about how I definitely should have gotten my ticket >:|. Can I take a minute to just like sigh and fan myself over Zack? He is so big and gruff and dudely and awesome and so BIG.

Anyway he let me in the m&g line because he is great and didn't give [personal profile] verbosewordsmith m&g because he is not quite that great, so that was fun. I was behind a girl who gave Spencer rainbow shutter shades because of that one Tumblr meme, so that was pretty fun.

Meet & greet! It was...something! I told Dallon how much I love Violent Things and he high-fived me and then he was self-deprecating and it was adorable and I'm pretty sure I just said "hi" to Ian because all that was in my head was YOU ARE THE TINIEST AND FLOPPIEST AND MOST ADORABLE and I was not going to blurt that out oh my Lord. Anyway Brendon has this shirt he's worn recently that has, like, buttons on the shoulders and thumb holes and it is the comfiest looking shirt ever made and so to keep myself from being all SO WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PEGGING I just asked him where he got it and he got all SMILEY and went into much more detail than he needed to which was great except when he stopped Spencer had already signed my booklet and I hadn't gotten to talk to him! Except I couldn't have talked to him because I was having the same problem I had with Ian, everything in my head was in direct violation of the Big Rule (Spencer your hair is so so soft can I touch it Spencer your skin looks so soft can I touch it Spencer I want to be inside you). HE IS SO DISTRACTINGLY PRETTY.

I am a teenie in my heart. I have to accept this.

When it was picture time Brendon reminded me again where to get the shirt and I was so thoroughly charmed oh my God and then I took THE WORLD'S MOST AWKWARD PICTURE and it was great.

(because I'm sure you all care, I came right home and looked up the clothing company Brendon got the shirt from [Bench] and they had the shirt! In my size! And they don't ship anywhere but Germany :( SO CLOSE)

ALSO IN THE M&G LINE: I am not 100% sure of the context but I think someone asked for it for her picture, but I got to see Spencer kiss Brendon's cheek twice! It was the best! Also Brendon putting his arm around Spencer and being all exaggeratedly flirty and Brendon/Spencer is not my favorite ship but *____*

So, like, it was already worth all the anxiety and horribleness and the show hadn't even started yet!

We went right from m&g into the venue and I got a good spot and then [personal profile] verbosewordsmith discussed being able to keep it while she went to the bathroom but I kind of quickly decided that was a no-go so I wandered off to the merch table where there were no more C'mons left :( but I got a necklace so \o/ and then we found a nice spot near Foxy Shazam and fun.'s merch table (where they also had no C'mons :( )

UM SO ALL THE SHOWS WERE THE BEST SHOWS. I had listened to Foxy and I liked them but didn't LOVE them but now I love them and I want to be in their awesome band having awesome fun and humping all the things (humping is a big part of their shtick! Okay!). And I am a recent convert to fun. and they were SO GOOD live and I love them and the girl in fun. whose name I need to look up is the PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.

So Panic. Panic Panic Panic. They were exactly what I expected but also not and also a lot better and basically I want to see their show every day for the rest of forever. Brendon has REALLY stepped up the stage gay oh my goodness. He slapped Ian's ass and then informed us all he was not scared to slap dude's asses and asked if anyone had done it and then if anyone had done it naked. Also he felt himself up! Because he is Brendon. Also he kissed Dallon's neck which yes please forever.

ALSO Spencer Smith is the sassiest person oh my goodness. Also the most charming! He should do all their banter except for the parts about spanking which I am okay keeping Brendon's.

There was some stuff between the gaying and banter? Like some music, or something? I don't know.

UGH THOUGH IT WAS THE BEST MUSIC THEY DID ALL THE BEST SONGS AND THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD AND I WANTED TO CRY TEARS OF PURE JOY AND ALSO DANCE FOREVER AND ALSO BEST SHOW.

Always! We got Always! Always my new favorite love song! GUYS I REALLY LOVE ALWAYS and I didn't expect to get it, okay? I ACTUALLY CRIED A LITTLE but whatever whatever.

The PO songs (Nine in the Afternoon and That Green Gentleman) made me a little sad but mostly delighted and also I was granted the utmost pleasure of seeing a group of TOTAL DUDEBROS sing EVERY WORD to TGG. Also there was another dudebro singing along all RIGHTEOUSLY and THROWING THE HORNS for I Write Sins. What.

The only thing I had an issue with was how sexy some of Brendon's banter was? Like at an 18+ show, go wild, tell us all how dirty and nasty we are and what we make you want to do, but it was all-ages and there was a not-insignificant number of teenies and I had talked to a couple of, like, 11-year-olds outside the venue and I am not 100% comfortable with that? IDK I think parents who let their kids go see a band who sing about sex and whores might be expecting some level of sex-related banter but that was a lot. And I was super super unhappy that Brendon made a rape joke (if he saw any of us outside, he was going to fuck us. Even if we didn't want it! ESPECIALLY if we didn't want it, because that would make him want it more, and he would let the band watch!). That is over where my line is even for an all adult audience.

I am the worst at talking about concerts. MOSTLY IT WAS THE BEST even considering everything I/we went through to get there and the little issue of the sketchy banter. I AM SO EXCITED FOR CHARLOTTE though omg.

ALSO, [personal profile] verbosewordsmith is the BEST EVER, so that was a good thing!

Date: 2011-05-23 09:45 pm (UTC)
ext_52657: Lyrics from Empires (Midnight Land), Icon by me! (Default)
From: [identity profile] mayqueen517.livejournal.com
EVERYTHING IS PANIC AND NOTHING HURTS.

(I AM STILL A LITTLE OMG ZACK OVER HIS "DON'T MAKE THAT FACE." I CAN'T EVEN)

Date: 2011-05-24 03:34 am (UTC)
la_dissonance: grainy black and white photo of a woman making a silly face (Default)
From: [personal profile] la_dissonance
What no, you are the best at talking about concerts! This is an EXCELLENT recap, I sat here cackling at my screen and reading parts aloud the whole time. Except for the parts about your anxiety attacks, I was all sadface at those :(

Also haiiiiii, it was cool seeing you yesterday! I decided I would try this whole lj/dw thing again, so far it seems to be a super great decision.

Date: 2011-05-24 03:47 am (UTC)
la_dissonance: grainy black and white photo of a woman making a silly face (Default)
From: [personal profile] la_dissonance
Also reading
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<user=verbose_wordsmith>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Also reading <user=verbose_wordsmith>'s entry now, it appears I may have gotten your pronouns wrong? If so sorry :(

Date: 2011-05-24 04:03 am (UTC)
la_dissonance: grainy black and white photo of a woman making a silly face (Default)
From: [personal profile] la_dissonance
So her in the internet it is he/him though? Just want to be super sure so I don't end up trying to refer to you without any pronouns at all for the rest of forever or anything. (I am a ridiculously awkward person like that ><)

Date: 2011-05-24 04:07 am (UTC)
la_dissonance: grainy black and white photo of a woman making a silly face (Default)
From: [personal profile] la_dissonance
*here. HERE in the internets.

Date: 2011-05-24 04:14 am (UTC)
la_dissonance: grainy black and white photo of a woman making a silly face (Default)
From: [personal profile] la_dissonance
Cool :D

Date: 2011-05-24 03:55 am (UTC)
la_dissonance: grainy black and white photo of a woman making a silly face (Default)
From: [personal profile] la_dissonance
Also I am a horrendous butcherer of html homg /o\