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What I Will Never Say to My Mother
Jul. 3rd, 2008 01:53 pmYes, Mom, I know you don't like the shaved head. You've made that abundantly clear. Don't worry, I'm not keeping it shaved because I don't get you don't like it. I'm rather intelligent, you know, so I understood with the first snarky comment you disapprove.
But the thing is, and this may come as a shock, everything isn't about you. No really. I didn't shave my head for reasons that concern you, I'm not keeping it shaved for reasons that concern you, and if I grow it out again it won't be because of you.
I'm sure you're just going to interpret this the same way you interpreted my tattoo decision - you said you disapproved, I said it wasn't about you so I was doing it anyway, you somehow decided that meant I was doing it to spite you (conveniently forgetting all about that first shot you fired) - so I'm not sure why I'm bothering.
So here it is. I hated my hair. Hated it. And, consequently, hated how I looked. Felt miserable about myself. I've felt better about myself in the time since getting my head shaved than in all the years since I started gaining weight and figuring out what self-esteem was combined.
So go on with the criticisms, because you've turned making me feel like crap about how I look into an art form. I don't expect you to stop, I just think it's only fair you understand that - and honestly, with all my issues right now this is a goddamned miracle - I've finally hit a point in my life where I feel good about myself, and I don't think your comments are funny, witty, charming, cute, whatever the Hell you're aiming for; nor do I plan to adjust my appearance to make you happy at the expense of my own happiness.
Keep going though, really. I'd hate to feel like I was forcing you to have a little tact or respect for my feelings at the expense of your own antiquated ideas of what a woman should look like (and don't think I don't know your problem is not that I look like a "nut", but that I look like a lesbian) and desire to control everything around you.
That would be rude.
But the thing is, and this may come as a shock, everything isn't about you. No really. I didn't shave my head for reasons that concern you, I'm not keeping it shaved for reasons that concern you, and if I grow it out again it won't be because of you.
I'm sure you're just going to interpret this the same way you interpreted my tattoo decision - you said you disapproved, I said it wasn't about you so I was doing it anyway, you somehow decided that meant I was doing it to spite you (conveniently forgetting all about that first shot you fired) - so I'm not sure why I'm bothering.
So here it is. I hated my hair. Hated it. And, consequently, hated how I looked. Felt miserable about myself. I've felt better about myself in the time since getting my head shaved than in all the years since I started gaining weight and figuring out what self-esteem was combined.
So go on with the criticisms, because you've turned making me feel like crap about how I look into an art form. I don't expect you to stop, I just think it's only fair you understand that - and honestly, with all my issues right now this is a goddamned miracle - I've finally hit a point in my life where I feel good about myself, and I don't think your comments are funny, witty, charming, cute, whatever the Hell you're aiming for; nor do I plan to adjust my appearance to make you happy at the expense of my own happiness.
Keep going though, really. I'd hate to feel like I was forcing you to have a little tact or respect for my feelings at the expense of your own antiquated ideas of what a woman should look like (and don't think I don't know your problem is not that I look like a "nut", but that I look like a lesbian) and desire to control everything around you.
That would be rude.
