I think I came across far more dismissive of the difference between Public Figure Using [X] Publicly [and thus somewhat inescapably] and Person Using [X] In Individual Conversation because a) the commenter brought up "perpetuating the stereotype" and "[mis]representing the culture" and that's pretty much the number one attitude to adopt to make me check out and stop taking you seriously and b) at that point I was already frustrated and angry and was no longer assuming the commenter was raising points in good faith.
I don't...know, actually, exactly what my thoughts are on that different dynamic. I think to some extent it's selfish as Hell to know the language you're using makes people uncomfortable (as in "hurt, scared, vulnerable, powerless, attacked", not the "uncomfortable" of having your attitudes/beliefs/etc. challenged) but to continue using it in a venue they cannot escape from; I think that's compounded by the near-inevitability of "oh, that lesbian said she's a dyke, so I can totally say she's a dyke" reactions. But it's not as simple as "It's selfish, don't do it" because when it's an area of empowerment sometimes the options are a) be selfish or b) feel powerless/vulnerable/[bad] in a way they just can't handle right then.
I don't think it's helpful or beneficial in any way to consistently privilege your own feelings over others, particularly in a public situation where it's your feelings over hundreds, thousands of others...but sometimes it's all you can do to maintain your own sanity.
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Date: 2009-03-19 07:16 am (UTC)I don't...know, actually, exactly what my thoughts are on that different dynamic. I think to some extent it's selfish as Hell to know the language you're using makes people uncomfortable (as in "hurt, scared, vulnerable, powerless, attacked", not the "uncomfortable" of having your attitudes/beliefs/etc. challenged) but to continue using it in a venue they cannot escape from; I think that's compounded by the near-inevitability of "oh, that lesbian said she's a dyke, so I can totally say she's a dyke" reactions. But it's not as simple as "It's selfish, don't do it" because when it's an area of empowerment sometimes the options are a) be selfish or b) feel powerless/vulnerable/[bad] in a way they just can't handle right then.
I don't think it's helpful or beneficial in any way to consistently privilege your own feelings over others, particularly in a public situation where it's your feelings over hundreds, thousands of others...but sometimes it's all you can do to maintain your own sanity.