Heidi – I read your posting about gay characters being marginalized in movies, books, TV, etc., and had a few comments.
I’m 47. I’m a married mother of two women, ages 18 and 22. I weigh about 25 pounds more than I should. My boobs sag, I have fine age wrinkles at the corners of my eyes, and more gray hairs are popping up every day.
Women my age get marginalized too. If we’re over 40, we’re not supposed to be sexual anymore. We aren’t supposed to get the younger good-looking stud. Our husbands are supposed to cheat on us and/or leave us for a younger version. If we’re sexual in movies, we’re portrayed as deviant in our desires. We’re the “moms” and moms don’t have sex, don’t have desires, and should be grateful for what we get.
One of the things I’ve learned from my kids, and I do think this only comes with age, is that they still think life should be fair. People should respect others values (even if they don’t agree), things should work out for a person just because they’re a good person, and life in general should have some rules.
None of that is true.
If you think that gay people (sorry if that is not the PC term), are singled out for stereotypical characterization, then you might consider what it means to be an older woman, or a black person, or an Asian, or a Muslim, or any other person in a group outside what society considers “the norm”.
You are a fantastic writer, truly gifted, but I can’t read your slash stories. I just can’t. I don’t want those images in my head, no matter how brilliantly written. That’s my problem, not yours. Those of us who read fan fiction (and I know several) avoid slash, all of it. Again, our problem/choice, not yours or those of the other talented writers who produce that genre.
Part of the stereotypical problem, as I (speaking only for myself) see it, is that it seems as if those who are gay “announce” it as if that, and only that, defines them. It’s something I don’t understand. I don’t announce my heterosexuality and I am sure you are smart enough to know what I mean, even if I’m not saying it the best possible way. I find the same “problem” with people who, when asked what they are (meaning Irish, Spanish, English, etc.) say “I’m Jewish”. No, Jewish is your religion, you are of a German-American descent. Make sense?
You are Heidi, a college student, with parents, a sister, cats, of a certain origin, who also happens to be a lesbian. You have alluded that your lesbianism defines you and perhaps it does, I couldn’t say.
A straight woman who dresses slutty LOOKS slutty. A straight woman who dresses matronly, looks that way. As does a homosexual man or woman. Part of the stereotype comes from the presentation and that is just fact. People DO judge a book by it’s cover, no matter if that is right or wrong. If someone has every orifice on their face pierced, I judge them to be a certain way. Am I wrong? Probably, but it is the way they have chosen to present themselves and just like the slutty straight woman, they get the reactions their presentation provokes. That does not mean cruelty in any form is acceptable, but to believe that someone, anyone, can dress in a certain manner completely outside the norm and it should just be ignored is not realistic – and also not fair – but as I noted, life is not fair. Never will be.
I really hope the true meaning of what I’ve written here comes through and you will look deeper than my words to see the intent. There’s no judgment here from me, Heidi, just a rather lengthy attempt to discuss what I think you’re trying to say. Hope to hear from you. And, if you would ever like to, especially if I’m totally off base here, my email is sunstreaked@mail.com.
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hector_rashbaum
Marginalization
Date: 2008-09-29 02:55 pm (UTC)I’m 47. I’m a married mother of two women, ages 18 and 22. I weigh about 25 pounds more than I should. My boobs sag, I have fine age wrinkles at the corners of my eyes, and more gray hairs are popping up every day.
Women my age get marginalized too. If we’re over 40, we’re not supposed to be sexual anymore. We aren’t supposed to get the younger good-looking stud. Our husbands are supposed to cheat on us and/or leave us for a younger version. If we’re sexual in movies, we’re portrayed as deviant in our desires. We’re the “moms” and moms don’t have sex, don’t have desires, and should be grateful for what we get.
One of the things I’ve learned from my kids, and I do think this only comes with age, is that they still think life should be fair. People should respect others values (even if they don’t agree), things should work out for a person just because they’re a good person, and life in general should have some rules.
None of that is true.
If you think that gay people (sorry if that is not the PC term), are singled out for stereotypical characterization, then you might consider what it means to be an older woman, or a black person, or an Asian, or a Muslim, or any other person in a group outside what society considers “the norm”.
You are a fantastic writer, truly gifted, but I can’t read your slash stories. I just can’t. I don’t want those images in my head, no matter how brilliantly written. That’s my problem, not yours. Those of us who read fan fiction (and I know several) avoid slash, all of it. Again, our problem/choice, not yours or those of the other talented writers who produce that genre.
Part of the stereotypical problem, as I (speaking only for myself) see it, is that it seems as if those who are gay “announce” it as if that, and only that, defines them. It’s something I don’t understand. I don’t announce my heterosexuality and I am sure you are smart enough to know what I mean, even if I’m not saying it the best possible way. I find the same “problem” with people who, when asked what they are (meaning Irish, Spanish, English, etc.) say “I’m Jewish”. No, Jewish is your religion, you are of a German-American descent. Make sense?
You are Heidi, a college student, with parents, a sister, cats, of a certain origin, who also happens to be a lesbian. You have alluded that your lesbianism defines you and perhaps it does, I couldn’t say.
A straight woman who dresses slutty LOOKS slutty. A straight woman who dresses matronly, looks that way. As does a homosexual man or woman. Part of the stereotype comes from the presentation and that is just fact. People DO judge a book by it’s cover, no matter if that is right or wrong. If someone has every orifice on their face pierced, I judge them to be a certain way. Am I wrong? Probably, but it is the way they have chosen to present themselves and just like the slutty straight woman, they get the reactions their presentation provokes. That does not mean cruelty in any form is acceptable, but to believe that someone, anyone, can dress in a certain manner completely outside the norm and it should just be ignored is not realistic – and also not fair – but as I noted, life is not fair. Never will be.
I really hope the true meaning of what I’ve written here comes through and you will look deeper than my words to see the intent. There’s no judgment here from me, Heidi, just a rather lengthy attempt to discuss what I think you’re trying to say. Hope to hear from you. And, if you would ever like to, especially if I’m totally off base here, my email is sunstreaked@mail.com.