On Reclamation

[hector_rashbaum]

This trainwreck, specifically the part starting here, left me wanting to organize my thoughts on reclamation a bit more.

I think of myself as a dyke. Generally, outside my own head, when I use "dyke" I'm talking about things I do which fit into stereotypes about non-porno lesbians - shaving my head was dykey, sports bra + ribbed tank + scuzzy jeans is a dykey outfit, etc. - but I identify as "dyke" more than "lesbian". Or, not necessarily more, but in a different way - when I'm just talking about my sexuality in a more straightforward, matter-of-fact way, I use "lesbian", but when I'm talking about it as a source of pride, as a challenged way of being that I don't feel any shame for and don't believe I should, I'm a big ol' dyke.

It's not an accident the derogatory term is the one I use when I'm talking about pride, about shame, about lesbianism as politically and morally charged. It's me very actively saying "not only will I not hate myself for the thing you hate me for, I will be proud of it".

Reclamation is taking a slur and turning it into a positive identifier, taking the power out of the hands of the bigots who spew hate speech and claiming it for one's own. It's taking someone's weapon and knocking it out of his hand. If someone wants to make me feel hated, scummy, worthless, it's telling him he has to find another goddamn way because calling me a dyke just doesn't do that anymore.

It does the opposite.

*

What happens all too often with reclamation is a backlash from Well-Meaning [insert privileged group] People, who are so sensitive and open-minded that the use of a slur offends them regardless of context. So, of course, because it makes the Well-Meaning Privileged uncomfortable, it just shouldn't be used at all. The intentions of the Well-Meaning Privileged are good, I don't use "Well-Meaning" sarcastically, but you know what they say about good intentions.

When you, Well-Meaning Straight Person, tell me I cannot call myself a dyke, you're disarming me, taking one of the few defense tactics I have and asking me to set it aside, leave myself open, in deference to your misplaced discomfort. Because I am far more likely to defer to Well-Meaning Discomfort than the bigot is, and when I set my weapon down he will be right there to pick it back up. And when he uses it, you will be uncomfortable.

Your discomfort is that of someone standing too close to a gun when it goes off, it's temporary deafness and ringing ears. You're not the one with the bullet wound.

Comments

[theo-harrison.livejournal.com]

As a batshit, crippled fag can I just say I agree with you entirely. Please may I mem this and link Well-Meaning People to it in future? You've explained it a lot better and a lot more clearly than I think I'm capable of.

[hector-rashbaum.livejournal.com]

Feel free!

[evillttlimp.livejournal.com]

My problem isn't when someone calls a black person a "nigger" or a gay person a "faggot", it's when people use those terms to describe random things, which is purely an insult.

I don't care at all if Graham Norton calls himself a "fag". I really don't. It's when people call someone who fell off of their bicycle a "fag." THAT'S when I get pissed off. It's not because of the specific words, because calling that kid who fell off of a bicycle "gay" still does the same thing.

[leana106.livejournal.com]

I guess I have different tolerance levels for different slurs--I'm not gonna touch the SF thread because that's a trainwreck all its own. See, I don't let anyone call me any permutation of the n-word and I personally don't like to hang around people who use it even casually. Just... no. However, I'm not going to stop other Black people from calling themselves that if they want to, I just don't believe that the n-word is something worthy of being reclaimed. On the other hand, I'll use bitch in the positive sense, so there you go.

All that said, I'm not going to let well meaning privileged person tell me (or my people) what they can and cannot call themselves. That's not their prerogative to tell me or mine what should or should not offend me. And once I've said my piece on the ways I'd prefer not to be addressed, I'll shut up because I'm not about to tell someone how to cope with various slurs.

[hector-rashbaum.livejournal.com]

It turns into a really fine line between "I don't like this and don't want it around me" and "this shouldn't exist", even when it's a relatively equal dynamic (ie, within the non-privileged group as opposed to Privilege speaking to Non).

Although now that I think of it I don't think I've ever gotten "I don't like this" from the Well-Intentioned Privileged - other lesbians tend to frame it as don't say dyke around me/don't call me a dyke/etc., but Well-Intentioned Heterosexuals frame it as "no one should say it".

[leana106.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. I try to keep it out of the "this shouldn't exist" realm, but I really do wish that word would disappear, even though it wouldn't really accomplish anything. Although this could be due to overexposure to clueless White people who say things like "well you guys say it, why can't I?"

Although now that I think of it I don't think I've ever gotten "I don't like this" from the Well-Intentioned Privileged - other lesbians tend to frame it as don't say dyke around me/don't call me a dyke/etc., but Well-Intentioned Heterosexuals frame it as "no one should say it".

...hmm, most White people I've known try very hard not to use the n word or even talk about it--unless it's a clear case of bigotry going on--but I've seen that same tendency from White people in online discussions.

[fizzyblogic.livejournal.com]

Nobody (sane) is saying that reclaiming words shouldn't happen or is a bad thing. Turning a potentially deadly insult around, stripping it of its power in the way you think of it and react to it, that's powerful and important. But saying "this word should never be used" erases experiences just as much as "this word will be used, in public forums you can't escape, whether you like it or not" and that's a different thing. Someone calling themself or their friends of the same group an offensive, reclaimed word is not the same as an artist using a reclaimed word in a song which will be heard (on the radio, on MTV, at concerts, if you're a fan and buy the album, if you're in a shop and it gets played, &c) by a lot of entirely different people of that group, some of whom may be uncomfortable with that word being used. It may also be heard by people outside of the group who assume it's okay to use that word since it's been reclaimed and therefore isn't offensive any more.

I've been having this conversation today, after a commenter on a friend's journal said that calling a straight cis-man wearing women's clothing a 'tranny' wasn't offensive, because that word has been reclaimed and anyway it's accurate because he was for the duration of that performance a transvestite, thus trans, thus a tranny. This came from an LGBT activist, not even someone outside queer culture, and I'm just. I love reclaimed words and what they do for the individuals who reclaim them, but that doesn't erase the weight those words carry to society at large and it doesn't make them not offensive. To say that I can't be offended at being called a dyke, or a tranny, because it's empowering to others of my group, denies my reaction just as much as anyone trying to tell you that you can't call yourself a dyke. The parts of that discussion I saw before my brain melted with the fail, they were not about individual black people calling each other n*****, the (batshit, oh my god wtf) commenter (before revealing said batshittery) was talking about having offensive language being forced upon you by popular culture via rap songs. Which is still about reclaimed words, but it's a different framing for it, a different context. It'll never be resolved, of course, because either saying it should stop or continue erases the voices of the opposing side, and in that particular argument I'm of the Well-Meaning Privileged so I sit it out since I have no right to say one way or another. Hearing the n-word in any context makes me uncomfortable because I can't hear it without hearing its history, but the music isn't meant for me in the first place. So I leave that argument alone and just go into my corner to think about all the voices I'm hearing on either side.

I ... feel like I should have a neat conclusion to this comment, but also that it's such a tangle and I'm still thinking about several angles of it, still reeling from the earlier conversation I had and how hurt I was by it. I'm also trying to put together the words to write to an author who used the word 'tranny' a lot in a recent novel -- never meant derogatively, by characters or narrative -- because its very presence on so many of the pages made me feel ill. That's just, that's where I'm coming from.

[hector-rashbaum.livejournal.com]

I think I came across far more dismissive of the difference between Public Figure Using [X] Publicly [and thus somewhat inescapably] and Person Using [X] In Individual Conversation because a) the commenter brought up "perpetuating the stereotype" and "[mis]representing the culture" and that's pretty much the number one attitude to adopt to make me check out and stop taking you seriously and b) at that point I was already frustrated and angry and was no longer assuming the commenter was raising points in good faith.

I don't...know, actually, exactly what my thoughts are on that different dynamic. I think to some extent it's selfish as Hell to know the language you're using makes people uncomfortable (as in "hurt, scared, vulnerable, powerless, attacked", not the "uncomfortable" of having your attitudes/beliefs/etc. challenged) but to continue using it in a venue they cannot escape from; I think that's compounded by the near-inevitability of "oh, that lesbian said she's a dyke, so I can totally say she's a dyke" reactions. But it's not as simple as "It's selfish, don't do it" because when it's an area of empowerment sometimes the options are a) be selfish or b) feel powerless/vulnerable/[bad] in a way they just can't handle right then.

I don't think it's helpful or beneficial in any way to consistently privilege your own feelings over others, particularly in a public situation where it's your feelings over hundreds, thousands of others...but sometimes it's all you can do to maintain your own sanity.