Heaven in Hard Times

First: I still have a couple Dreamwidth invite codes, FYI

Second: So I was really excited when I first heard about Glee, because it looked like basically High School Musical but all the time and more show-tunesy. Also it took me like three seconds to develop a crush on the lead actress <3

Having watched the pilot...I kinda wish I hadn't. Because there are so many problems in just the 43 minutes I watched even the super-awesome right-up-my-alley choir-ized "Rehab" and "Don't Stop Believin'" aren't enough.

The two main glee club kids are, of course, straight and white, but the rest of the club is populated with tokens. There's cardboard stereotype sassy black girl, cardboard stereotype effeminate fashion-obsessed boy (who's probably meant to be gay), boy in a wheelchair whose only two jobs in the pilot are to a) be mediocre so the straight white male lead can replace him and b) serve as a prop to prove how Righteous and Noble the same guy is, and the Asian girl who has no concept of inappropriate behavior and apparently has no talent ("Do you have any talents?" [beat] [beat] "...we'll find you something") (I was going to say "talent beyond singing" since, ostensibly, all the glee kids can sing, but her audition was meant to be laughable, not good, and I got the impression she made it because of the lack of interest).

Female lead has gay fathers, and all we know about them is they pushed her hard into singing and dancing (I'm not sure if we're *meant* to get the impression they're aggressive "pageant dads" of the "Toddlers & Tiaras" ilk, but it's the impression I *got*); the Indian principal is a money-hungry Plot Device, the lead teacher's wife is a materialistic nag.

It left me with a seriously bad taste in my mouth. I love my show tunes (especially show-tuney pop/rock songs <3), I'd marry Jane Lynch in an instant, and I totally have a ladyboner for the lead glee girl's voice (and her ridiculous character, idk)...but I shouldn't be sitting here trying to figure out how a show can combine all those things and still leave me wondering if I wanna give it another chance.

Fuck you, Governor Douglas.

I was trying not to get my hopes up too much. But we were so close. And in VT a bill can become law without the governor's signature - he could disapprove without actively veto-ing.

So FUCK YOU. Argh.

I thought this conversation would leave me angrier than it has; it's frustrating, but not on the level I was expecting. If nothing else, the fact that I went in to the conversation expecting to gain nothing and get nowhere leaves me rather immune to disappointment.

It's given me a chance to articulate things I believe but rarely talk about, at any rate.

I have started a post about what people are actually saying when they attempt neutrality by claiming there has been "bad behavior on both sides", while refusing to say anything about what that behavior is. I keep scrapping it; words aren't working for me the way I want them to lately.

Consider putting something up for auction, or bidding on something already up, at con_or_bust; being too broke to bid on a thing but wanting to contribute, I plan on auctioning fic off once I work out some specifics. If I decide it wouldn't be too much for the anxiety, which has been horrid lately, at least.

Also, if you're into poppy-cheesy-emo a la Fall Out Boy (mayqueen517 I'm looking at you, among others), check out The White Tie Affair and Secondhand Serenade. Cheesy, but very fun.

There was a post at Feministing, titled Marge's Lesbian Fantasies, about Sunday night's episode of The Simpsons.

Or, rather, about a screenshot from the episode, because if the poster had actually seen it, she would've known that it wasn't Marge's lesbian fantasy, it was Homer's.

*sigh*

One more instance of a straight man fetishizing lesbian sex is totally something a feminst blog should be celebrating. I wish I could be so cheerful in the face of yet another reminder my sexuality is only okay when it benefits anyone but me.

I understand the power of words, and more than that I understand the power differential. I know "asshole" doesn't hit the same as "cunt", that "wuss" doesn't sting like "pussy". I know when I'm feeling road ragey it's ten times more satisfying to think of the idiot going 10 in a 35 as "sweetheart" or "grandma" than anything else. I know how often it feels like the only word that fits has been made off-limits by those damn PC Police in my head, how frustrating that is, and how much that leaves me wondering how much one person's internal dialogue, how much one use of "slut" really matters. I know that even as high-and-mighty as I can get about this kind of thing, there are plenty of times I think the better option would be for everyone else to develop a thicker skin rather than for me to modify my habits.

I also know that I am better than that. I know I'm not the kind of person who is so self-centered as to privilege my inconvenience - which gets less and less inconvenient as time goes on - over the very real marginalization of entire groups of people. I know that I am capable of the thought required to understand the principles behind modifying my language, and that I am a good enough person to change my behavior in line with those principles.

I know I can't make anyone change their behavior. I know it's up to any given person what she says, what she thinks, what she does. I know if someone feels strongly enough, all the education, all the intelligence, all the pushing for much-needed social change in the world can't make him do a thing. And in the same way, no one can make me change things I feel strongly about. And I am smart enough to know discussion, disagreement, and any other manifestation of an individual's ideals aren't the same thing as force.

I know how misogynist, racist, homophobic, etc. language reflects on even people I know for a fact to be not misogynist, racist, homophobic, etc. I know "PC" is a buzzword used by assholes so when they complain they won't sound like the sort of person who complains about being asked to respect their fellow human beings - despite the fact that is what they're complaining about. And I know, above all, that I will never allow myself to look like one of those people.

So I haven't posted for a while. Mainly because...I'm pretty boring.

Things at home are the same as ever. Except different, slightly. Family are just as frustrating, in all the same ways, but they're trying. Well. Parents are, to an extent. Sister isn't, but she seems to be mellowing/maturing in general. Brother and I don't really bother with each other enough to frustrate. So. Yeah.

I've started taking Zoloft, or whatever the generic version is. A tiny amount, to make sure it doesn't omgpoison me, and even when they find the right dose it'll be 6-8 weeks before it works, but...it's a start. And I had my first appointment with a counselor Wednesday, and I'm going back next Thursday. So I'm, y'know, gonna get better.

(*sigh* I hooked up my old keyboard for when I'm at my desk, 'cause I've yet to find a way to set up the laptop that's comfy for both typing and reading, but I forgot it has a wonky spacebar, so it's a giant pain in the ass for exactly the sort of lengthy typing I wanted it for)

My car got fixed! Just needed his battery replaced (yes it's a he. It's a Donny. Mom's car is Ozzy. Dad's car is Marie; Ben's is Sharon. Except our neighbor/wife of our mechanic is Sharon [we actually refer to the garage as Sharon, ie "call Sharon, we need a tow truck" instead of "call J&L"] so it's probably a good thing I never need to refer to my brother's car), and he's good as...nowhere near new, but as new as I've ever seen him. He got to be the family car for a while! My mom's car died. Donny is a sucky family car. Two doors...we only had four people in him once, but that was plenty. I'm shorter than my sister so I had to sit behind my dad, and my knees were actually poking out in front of his back rest. We were all exceedingly happy to get Ozzy back.

I have a new bed. New ish. It was my aunt's bed in her apartment. It was weird at first; weirder because it's a full bed and since we've never had a full the only sheets we have for it were hers. And the only clean ones we had had been washed at her house, so they smell like her sheets. It's still a little weird, but less so every day. It's actually, however, gotten weirder not to have her around - since she lived so far away for so long, it wasn't weird to go for a while without seeing her...but since Mom has summers off (yay teaching) we saw a ton of her in the summer after she moved back up here, so it being summer we keep doing all these things we did with her...except without her now. We have our share of the ashes now, so we've all got to decide what we're each gonna do...I've picked out a necklace, so yeah.

My Sims is broken :( I've been whining at anyone who will listen. Hopefully the torrent for replacement Sims will hurry up so I don't have to wait too long for mindless timewasting.

I've been having trouble reconciling feminism with entertainment, lately. It's an odd sort of issue I'm having - in essence, the slightest issue with racism, sexism, heterosexism, etc. sets me right the fuck off. And, y'know, nothing is free of that shit. I imagine it will be one of those things I learn to deal with, like rice - my dad alternates between forgetting and refusing to believe I hate rice in any form, so he's always making nice dinners with unavoidable rice. Sometimes the otherstuff is worth eating around the rice, sometimes it isn't. So...racism is like rice. Or...yeah.

There is wank. I will make every effort I can to ensure the only person who has any right to question my friendship knows she has no reason to, and any public criticism of behavior or attitudes will be at best preceded by private discussion and at worst linked with the understanding private discussion is welcome. Anyone else can go to Hell.

In closing, laura_holt_pi is a twat. That is all.